Book Borrowing 101

All ye readers tall and small and eye-glassed and fair-sighted have probably spied a book on a friend’s bookshelf a time or two – a few minutes later, the friend usually foists the book on to you, either trying to void themselves of the responsibility of reading it, or due to their true love for the novel. Here is a guide to Book Borrowing 101.

1) Ask if you can borrow it, unless it’s April 1st, or there’s a sign that says, “I hate books.”

2) Identify whether your friend cares about the book. Clues incluede ripples on the binder, edges made soft through the turning of pages, and perhaps a paperback cover that curls out slightly. This can help you identify whether or not it’s a good read.

3) Never, ever ever ever, eat or drink ANYTHING while reading their book (especially not peanut butter and jelly). Chocolate fingers, red wine, peanut butter are NIGHTMARES! Not that I’ve ever gotten anything on books…coughdefinitelynotcookiedoughorchocolateorpeanutbutterandjellycough.

4) Know when it’s expected back. Friends aren’t as simple as library due dates. Ask them when they’ll want it, and make sure your time frame is roughly the same (some friends consider “as long as you want it” to be a month, others, it could be a year). If it’s one of their favorites, respect that they are lending it to you, and be happy that they’re sharing something that brings them happiness to you. It might help to put a sticky note on it, that says, “I stole this from my sister’s bookshelf on January 12th, 2012. It was ______ when she noticed it was gone.” or “Sarah’s book borrowed today, 10/6/11. Good thing I already fed the paper shredder yesterday.”

5) Be nice to it! 🙂 Love your borrowed book. 🙂 This does not mean give it bubble baths, or to feed it your favorite foods (see #2), but it does mean that this is not your book, so do not treat it as your own. That’s right. No dog earring, no marking your page by leaving the book splayed out like a banana peel, and no writing in it.

6) If you do write in it, do it in pencil. You can make funnies, or take notes for your friend as a favor if it’s a school book. But be careful. Some bibliophiles are rather particular and may eat you alive upon sight if you harm a treasured tome.